Since my last post something happened that makes us look pathetic, so I was debating if I actually wanted to write about the embarrassing parts of our life. and I decided that I will. What happened was some unknown person wrote a note on an envelope on our front door that said - "once when I really needed some extra cash a stranger left some on my windshield. I couldn't get you out of my mind! Hope you can use this for something." I guess I was ashamed that I have become that person. That kind of person that everyone knows is poor and feels bad for. But I don't really think of our situation is that pathetic. maybe we don't have everything we could ever want, but who can? The answer is no one. No matter what our income is we will always want more. We definitely aren't rich, but we have enough to pay all of our bills AND have some extra money. Our babies have diapers and clothes and get to have fun every single day, and I get to stay home and enjoy everything they do. That being said, don't bother feeling sorry for me, because I am probably feeling bad for you, that you might not be enjoying life as much as I am despite our means. This reminds me of the story of the two brothers who owned a farm together. At the end of the season they split the hay or whatever they were growing in half and sold it. One season after they split it one of the brothers went and took 1/3 of his crop and put it on his brother's saying, "My brother has a 7 kids and I have none he needs it more than I." later that night the other brother went to his crop and took 1/3 of his crop and gave it to his brother saying, "My brother has no family he needs this more than I." Or something like that:) then they went out the next day and saw that the piles of hay were equal so they went out that night to do the same thing. This time they saw each other and hug and yada yada yada. But with all that being said i was really happy to find the note. it said one of my friends had been thinking about me, and as fate would have it I have been feeling like i don't have any friends here. So when I got this note I was deeply touched and resolved to be extra nice to everyone and try to make even more friends.
Its sad how one experience with a person can really hurt you and your ego. Like when you think you are good friends with someone and they just aren't there for you when you really need someone. I've been really sick for the past like 3 months, and that really put my friends to the test. Few seemed to pass, bringing us dinner or a dessert without me asking, watching max, and offering to help clean up. Mostly the people who really were there for us were people we barely knew! So in a way getting sick was really good for my mental health, it weeded out the people who were bringing me down emotionally and replaced them with compassionate selfless people. That being said they have pushed me to be better to strangers too.

Another interesting thing happened this week that I'm not too proud of. When Ian started his job we were in some debt, and he wasn't making enough to pay all the bills so we got into a little bit of debt. Not a lot but enough that we never had anything left at the end of every paycheck and we decided that instead of paying tithing first, we would pay our power or whatever so we wouldn't get kicked out of our apt or have something turned off. We figured we would be all caught up by the end of the year and we could pay whatever we owe in tithing. So the end of the year rolls around and we are about 200 dollars short, so our bishop gave us until the end of January. So what happened was I had a baby, and Ian had some paid days off that he took and I was scared to have two kids at home by myself so i made him take off another two days until my mom got here. So when I realized we wouldn't have that extra money for tithing I called my bishop and told him the situation, and that we could catch up on the past year but wouldn't really be paying the current balance. He chastised me a bit and i talked to Ian and we decided to pay that before rent. Then a few days later we got exactly 200 dollars in the mail from Ian's parents, not knowing that was the exact amount we needed. It was amazing how that happened. I don't even feel like we deserve that, it just makes me realize how much god loves us. Like a lot. I always feel completely taken care of, the day I feel like god has deserted me will be a sad day indeed. But I don't think that day will ever come.